MARRIAGE

 

MARRIAGE

Marriage is the subject of our readings this Sunday and one, who has not married, might be hesitant to speak of it. Still, there are many ‘experts’ in football who only watch from the stands.

The Church celebrates marriage. It is a risky affair with no sure outcome and for this reason mirrors God’s relationship with us. Jesus used scriptural images of the bond between bride and bridegroom but they do not always describe a happy relationship. Still, John chose to begin his account of Jesus’ ministry by describing a wedding feast and commentators have been quick to draw parallels between this event and the marriage banquet in Isaiah, an image of heaven.

Marriage in the Church has always been surrounded by this enlivening imagery and the ideal of marriage is of a perfect society. And the union in marriage – they become one flesh – results in new life coming into the world. All this is very beautiful. But then we have to enter into the world of actual marriages as we know them. There are people close to us, perhaps in our own families, whose marriages have ‘failed’. Let us come back to that word in a moment. Here we just need to note the intense suffering that can result when two people lose the desire, for a variety of reasons, to continue to struggle to hold their marriage together ‘for better or for worse.’

Traditionally our Church has stuck to ‘the rules’ in the literal belief that ‘what God has brought together, no one should divide.’ Many of us will know people in ‘impossible’ situations where a divorced person enters a new and happy relationship but because of their fidelity to the Church, they cease going to the sacraments for years.

Gradually we are discovering that exceptions to the rules do not undermine the ideal. ‘The Sabbath is made for man and not man for the Sabbath.’ Jesus wants his people to strive for the best but he also wants them to be compassionate, not rigid. Western thinking, and the Church is still dominated by western thinking, says something is either right or wrong. As we move forward, particularly as we follow the synodal way, we are discovering how to take each case as it comes. One rule does not fit all. We are moving into a more discerning, compassionate Church. It may be hard going in the short term but in time we will have a much more inclusive welcoming Church.

‘Failure’ in marriage is not necessarily failure in life. For two people to end their marriage may be an act of great courage ushering in a new beginning. And also, to stay in a marriage, when each day is a torture, while admirable in one way, could also be seen as a want of courage.